keepwritingkeepwritingkeepwriting

i need to write or ill pop or ill pop si i keep wiritng i just keep wiriting no matter the spelling errors no matter the rain droning on my window i keep writing my dirty dirty window sill full of the grime of past ghosts and they still call i keep writing and writing til my hands bleed my tongue poors blood of my heart im done now im finished with this whole string of shit im so used to being emotionally attached to emotionally unavailable ppl now what is up with that so i keep wirritng in hopes i will realise understand comprehend better come to light but i keep writing and nothing comes but more and more rage and more and more rage because i love hard and ai give all and no one can seem to undertsnad or do the same but i keep writintg because expectations are wrong and they are my own and they are mine fault and mine own wrong so i keep writing to right the wrongs and rewrite the songs but i hate it and i cant stand myself so i keep writing i jsut keep writing the type adn the ink and the fingers on the type the keyboard and the screen adn the fingers in the heart and i want to cry but i cant i wont not anymore i want to cry but im sick and im already congested enough as it is why do i have to be sick right now when i havent even had time for my self time to rest time to write time for me so i just keep wriritng now hoping that at the end of the night it wont matter that ihavent lesson planned that i have no clue what tomw will look like that im a shitty teacher and i have shitty students and i dont even care cause i just keep writing i keep writing cause i need to and he doesnt need me but i need him so its over and im done with all of that with loving too much and too hard and too fast and too much and too many tooo hard and too fast and too mch and too hard and too fast and too much and not enough in return adn not enough i get burned i end up always with burns adn i yearn and i yearn but for nothing to get nothing in return except i appreciate it thanks i appreciate it wow ur a natural thanks i really really apppreciate it but i dont love u i mean i might love you but im not in love with you but thanks i appreciate it u r a natural and i appreciate it but its not u breakng my heart its some other girl some other girl ssome ohter harpy not me not me im not worthy to break the heart of the one whose broken mine but i keep writing cause its write and its right and i keep righting csause its true and its broken adn so am i but i keep wirting because eevn broken things write and even broken thinggs feel and even i need a break and i need to heal and im tired of being a support a great rock a big wall a nice soft cushion a sweet spot to get some perspective GO FUCK YOURSELF I DONT GIVE A SHIT ANDYMORE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOU AND YOUR EGO AND THEM AND HER AND ALL OF THESE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE NOT ME ME ME MEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMMEMEMEME I NEEEEED I CNAY PUT UP WITH THIS ANYMRE. I LOVE AND I HURT AND I CRY AND I BREAK AND I GIVE AND DIE AND I CUT AND I SIT STILL.

not breathing.

lets try again.

i keep writing this time slowly so i have time to thinnk as my fingers tapatapatapatypeing away in the night in this bed this new strangee bed with its new strange smells i keep writing in her in this new strange blanket of this new strange house with its new ghosts its ghostly strangers new and strange adn strange adn new i dont recognize their call but now my ifngers are speeeding up and im starting to make mistakes again so i need to calm myself and breathe adn fall into step with my own rtyhtinm my own pace a bit slowly so i have time to think to feel not just rage adn shriek inside adn out in paper adn in soul but maybe a little more reflection in my writing in my writing i keep wirriting i keep writing i wanna give him my all and show him the universe inside me and delve into his adn worship eveyr last drop but i cant because it isnt the right thing or the right time maybe not even the right person but we'll never know cause i cant hold my breath that long and i wont kep holding my breath any longer, and i want never to do that again, never to fall for these guys that are fresh out of some other shit and arent fully mine ill find him he ll come the one who more than 'appreciates' me the one who worhsips and adores because it exists and if so then i deserve it, i adore and i worship so why shudnt i believe that someone will do that for me of their own free and eager will and that some one i willl love too and it wont be a one way street like it always is and i wont be heartbroken and betrayed and used and forgotten after discarded like an exhausted fantasy like a good hearty meal that you later shit out no i keep writing to keep strong and to keep me and not to give and give and give becasue i keep writing and it helps its like maybe writing is my husband and my wife adn maybe there is no one ever on the other side that all we ever do is keep writing all we ever want is to keep writing all there will eveer be is more adn more writing merciless unfrogeiving endless foreverandeverandeverandever just more and more reams and reams of it jsust pure shit pure unadulterated shit comeing out of my heads hands mouth aand fingers my tongue wrotes to him when i kissed him my breath writes to him in my sleep my hands write to him as they stronke my body and i think of him and i think of him and so i keep writing thoygh really im making love to him but im actually just writing and he isnt in bed with me holding me and stroking my skin as i fall asleeep that never happened i keep writing because i realise i keep writing because i know now i am perfectly delusional that this whole thing never happeneded it was all my creation i just kept wirritng this whole thing that never happeende was my creation i wrote it into being that whole thing that never really ahppeneed iwas all in my head in my hands in my heart in my hands in myhead in my heart in me and in him the reflectio n of me andmy writing he saiyd i bring out the good in him, but thats not my problem bnot my salvation not my jobnnot my mission to save others to save him to save you to save to be loved i should be loved on my own virtues and not by the consequences of being loved by me fuck that noise i will keep writing because it will amek me strong i will keep writing and then one day i will show him my blood my ink my wiriting i will show him my curse my crazy my open wound my open cocooon i will show him inside whether or not he is ready to see more because i need to show it i need to keep writing keep writing so i keep writing i keeep writing....