Beauty on the bus
I wish I knew what was making you smile
Surreptitious glances
Whole lives imagined
I am yours and we have just met
We are old and our lives together are near over
We fight we screw we lose track of each other over the years
One day we reconnect in a crowded mall
Our eyes meet and our whole lives explode into view
I still wonder what makes you smile.
Bussing beauty what would time make of us?
If time was as sincere and eternal as your smile
Quitting is for quitters
Thursday 20 March 2014
Bus beauty
Tuesday 11 March 2014
All is love
I have such love for you
If you want it
I have infinite galaxies contained
Don't hold back he says
But how well can you swim? I wonder
I have such love for you behind these eyes and this smiling skin
I have skull for you I have bones for you
I have tissue for you I have heart for you
These things I've lost again and again
I am a never ending well of love for you
For him for her for them for us
Wednesday 8 January 2014
fossils
i keep all of my past lovers in folders on my desktop
i leaf through them and shed skins
i dive into hot and cold waters and come up shaking and wet
they are bytes of data, ghosts in the machine
i keep them bound and silent, and i relish the power, tho it is petty
some soften me. some make me hard.
their fingerprints on my heart.
i leaf through them and shed skins
i dive into hot and cold waters and come up shaking and wet
they are bytes of data, ghosts in the machine
i keep them bound and silent, and i relish the power, tho it is petty
some soften me. some make me hard.
their fingerprints on my heart.
lest we forget what is broken
we are all alone in our misery
if we are lucky to reach out and touch
or be touched in our solitude,
this is life's game of tag
the cruelty we are born into
we cannot love if our love is broken
we cannot see past our pain
we think it bottomless
but only love is bottomless
pain pales in love
but time is a cruel conduit
and in our pain, god is dead
sometimes pain is our friend
we nurse it
and cling to it like love
we help it grow and get strong
we are possessive over it and will not
share it
we confuse it for our love
it is only broken love
it will not be forgotten, but it must
not be cherished
it is a false friend with a
silvertongue
a parasite of our love
sometimes we want to heal a friend
so we take their pain
but this does not always help
because we are fundamentally alone in
our pain
we are alone in our misery
all we can do is reach blindly and
perhaps, for a moment,
touch.
keepwritingkeepwritingkeepwriting
i need to write or ill pop or ill pop
si i keep wiritng i just keep wiriting no matter the spelling errors
no matter the rain droning on my window i keep writing my dirty dirty
window sill full of the grime of past ghosts and they still call i
keep writing and writing til my hands bleed my tongue poors blood of
my heart im done now im finished with this whole string of shit im so
used to being emotionally attached to emotionally unavailable ppl now
what is up with that so i keep wirritng in hopes i will realise
understand comprehend better come to light but i keep writing and
nothing comes but more and more rage and more and more rage because i
love hard and ai give all and no one can seem to undertsnad or do the
same but i keep writintg because expectations are wrong and they are
my own and they are mine fault and mine own wrong so i keep writing
to right the wrongs and rewrite the songs but i hate it and i cant
stand myself so i keep writing i jsut keep writing the type adn the
ink and the fingers on the type the keyboard and the screen adn the
fingers in the heart and i want to cry but i cant i wont not anymore
i want to cry but im sick and im already congested enough as it is
why do i have to be sick right now when i havent even had time for my
self time to rest time to write time for me so i just keep wriritng
now hoping that at the end of the night it wont matter that ihavent
lesson planned that i have no clue what tomw will look like that im a
shitty teacher and i have shitty students and i dont even care cause
i just keep writing i keep writing cause i need to and he doesnt need
me but i need him so its over and im done with all of that with
loving too much and too hard and too fast and too much and too many
tooo hard and too fast and too mch and too hard and too fast and too
much and not enough in return adn not enough i get burned i end up
always with burns adn i yearn and i yearn but for nothing to get
nothing in return except i appreciate it thanks i appreciate it wow
ur a natural thanks i really really apppreciate it but i dont love u
i mean i might love you but im not in love with you but thanks i
appreciate it u r a natural and i appreciate it but its not u breakng
my heart its some other girl some other girl ssome ohter harpy not me
not me im not worthy to break the heart of the one whose broken mine
but i keep writing cause its write and its right and i keep righting
csause its true and its broken adn so am i but i keep wirting
because eevn broken things write and even broken thinggs feel and
even i need a break and i need to heal and im tired of being a
support a great rock a big wall a nice soft cushion a sweet spot to
get some perspective GO FUCK YOURSELF I DONT GIVE A SHIT ANDYMORE
ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PROBLEMS AND YOU AND YOUR EGO AND THEM AND HER AND
ALL OF THESE OTHER THINGS THAT ARE NOT ME ME ME
MEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMMEMEMEME I NEEEEED I CNAY PUT UP WITH
THIS ANYMRE. I LOVE AND I HURT AND I CRY AND I BREAK AND I GIVE AND
DIE AND I CUT AND I SIT STILL.
not breathing.
lets try again.
i keep writing this time slowly so i
have time to thinnk as my fingers tapatapatapatypeing away in the
night in this bed this new strangee bed with its new strange smells i
keep writing in her in this new strange blanket of this new strange
house with its new ghosts its ghostly strangers new and strange adn
strange adn new i dont recognize their call but now my ifngers are
speeeding up and im starting to make mistakes again so i need to calm
myself and breathe adn fall into step with my own rtyhtinm my own
pace a bit slowly so i have time to think to feel not just rage adn
shriek inside adn out in paper adn in soul but maybe a little more
reflection in my writing in my writing i keep wirriting i keep
writing i wanna give him my all and show him the universe inside me
and delve into his adn worship eveyr last drop but i cant because it
isnt the right thing or the right time maybe not even the right
person but we'll never know cause i cant hold my breath that long and
i wont kep holding my breath any longer, and i want never to do that
again, never to fall for these guys that are fresh out of some other
shit and arent fully mine ill find him he ll come the one who more
than 'appreciates' me the one who worhsips and adores because it
exists and if so then i deserve it, i adore and i worship so why
shudnt i believe that someone will do that for me of their own free
and eager will and that some one i willl love too and it wont be a
one way street like it always is and i wont be heartbroken and
betrayed and used and forgotten after discarded like an exhausted
fantasy like a good hearty meal that you later shit out no i keep
writing to keep strong and to keep me and not to give and give and
give becasue i keep writing and it helps its like maybe writing is my
husband and my wife adn maybe there is no one ever on the other side
that all we ever do is keep writing all we ever want is to keep
writing all there will eveer be is more adn more writing merciless
unfrogeiving endless foreverandeverandeverandever just more and more
reams and reams of it jsust pure shit pure unadulterated shit comeing
out of my heads hands mouth aand fingers my tongue wrotes to him when
i kissed him my breath writes to him in my sleep my hands write to
him as they stronke my body and i think of him and i think of him and
so i keep writing thoygh really im making love to him but im actually
just writing and he isnt in bed with me holding me and stroking my
skin as i fall asleeep that never happened i keep writing because i
realise i keep writing because i know now i am perfectly delusional
that this whole thing never happeneded it was all my creation i just
kept wirritng this whole thing that never happeende was my creation i
wrote it into being that whole thing that never really ahppeneed iwas
all in my head in my hands in my heart in my hands in myhead in my
heart in me and in him the reflectio n of me andmy writing he saiyd i
bring out the good in him, but thats not my problem bnot my salvation
not my jobnnot my mission to save others to save him to save you to
save to be loved i should be loved on my own virtues and not by the
consequences of being loved by me fuck that noise i will keep writing
because it will amek me strong i will keep writing and then one day i
will show him my blood my ink my wiriting i will show him my curse my
crazy my open wound my open cocooon i will show him inside whether or
not he is ready to see more because i need to show it i need to keep
writing keep writing so i keep writing i keeep writing....
photograph
Your face has changed
you're looking into the camera
armed
with the cheesiest
toothiest
grin
and behind you is the landscape
of your latest vacation
it's majestic
and i can tell that i'm getting the
tail end
the cropped image
of this place this perfect paradise.
and all i can wonder is
are u alone?
Is it a vacation for two?
You haven't changed at all
your face is still the same
same eyes
same beard
same
cheesy toothy
grin
but behind your eyes
behind the pixels
and the thin veil
separating us
i remember the swimming dreamy milky
sea
behind your eyes
i remember your sadness and your
worried puppy look
are you as happy now as you look?
i remember nursing you
without regret
i don't hate you
for what you are
i hated you for what you did
but its all far away now
behind the pixels
of your eyes
and your magical vacation
(maybe for two)
and your cheesy toothy grin
and the epic landscape
and your smart phone in your dumb hands
your sensitive hands
your own
far-away hands
no more tears
Don't cry baby
you'll make your papa sad
come home baby
it's been so long
you've been alone
what's worth two feet on the ground?
Don't cry mama
your lil eyes'll swell
how can you work
with a face like that
how can you look them in the eye
all puffy and pathetic
you make me ache for you
i can't help or hold you
stop crying child
there's so much more to live
so much load to carry
and you're not halfway done
don't just sit there weeping
in the middle of the bridge
jump off or move on
you're holding up traffic
don't cry baby
your tears are wasted gifts
the walls are too thick anyway
and nobody has time for that
don't cry baby
go make something to eat
don't cry baby
your dishes are piling up
don't cry baby
time don't stop for crybabies
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